At-onement with God
In a safe and secluded place, a lavatory outside my homestead, was the earliest interaction that I had with God. The year was 1986 and it is easy to remember because all my interactions and intercessions with God were desperate pleas for His intervention. It was at dusk, a day before a big event of my life. All I wanted was to win the Miss Ciskei (Eastern Cape, South Africa) beauty pageant.
I shed tears of joy at the stadium a few hours before the event, knowing without a shred of a doubt that God had answered my prayer. When I was crowned Miss Ciskei, I was exhilarated. In a live television interview, I was asked how I felt and if I was shocked or surprised when I heard the results. I said I was very happy and not surprised, because I knew I was going to win the contest. Later, after the interview, my chaperone cautioned me, saying that I should have said I was shocked, instead of saying I knew I was going to win.
I have experienced a lot of conquests in my life with the help of my Heavenly Father, and I somewhat stopped believing in Him, but not myself. I developed this huge ego and I gradually lost all connection with my Creator. I started to fail, the belief in me shifted, and I now started believing in others and living for others, neither for me nor God.
A personal breakthrough occurred in my life after a very long, excruciating, misguided and troubled journey. I had a stable job; met Thozi, my husband, and life was great. I was happy and had everything I wanted. It is during this euphoria and sense of accomplishment that I had this Dream, or vision, a heavenly intervention. It was January 2002.
In the dream, it is the eve of my mother’s funeral. Her body is at home in preparation for the burial the following day. I am the only one, who is intrinsically aware that my mother is not dead, and I decided to steal the body. I took her and hid her under my jacket and walked away. I was walking down the street, which at the end, I found myself in these beautiful, tranquil surroundings. This place is huge and stretched out like the sea, with green grass and a blue sky. Whilst marveling at this beautiful spectacle, water started shooting up all around in a circular motion - a nice picture that I will never forget - and then I looked up and saw a white cloud descending from above and in it was Jesus Christ in a white jacket with gold trimmings. I fell on my knees in his honor and, when I looked up, the cloud was hovering above me and there was a white table in front of me. Jesus, still in the cloud, took out a white stick and pointed at the table. There was nothing on the table. I woke up and shared this amazing dream with my husband. Every day for three consecutive days I had dreams, which were spiritually inclined and visitations by Saint Paul and John the Apostle.
I was not a church-going person, but I decided to go to church to find some clarity but in vain. One morning, after another intensive dream, I got out of bed and knelt down and prayed to God for His guidance. I said God, if there is anything that you would like me to do for you, please tell me and I Will do it. I stood up feeling woozy and dizzy and sat down again. A few days later I was with my family in a shopping mall buying some groceries and I went into a bookstore looking for magazines. I had a specific attraction to a book which was about having a conversation with God. This book was the first in a list of spiritual books I have read so far in search for the truth, God’s Truth. My abundant appetite for God’s word made me even go back and read the Bible anew, this time with love and understanding.
With all the knowledge and spiritual acumen, I still felt unfulfilled and a huge void in my life. Something was missing. I have been writing and journaling all of my spiritual finds hoping to share them with the world when the time is ripe but each and every time I felt that it is okay and now I have found the truth, more information will come my way. I became tired, tired of looking and unraveling. I desired to arrive at the Truth so that I do not look anymore but get the chance to embrace the Truth and strive to live by it. I decided to stop writing; I took out all my journals and tore them apart and burnt everything. I had enough!
A few days later, the words “Christ Consciousness” started ringing in my head, I wrote them down.
After some time, I decided I am going to initiate a “Christ Consciousness Movement,” because in reality people do not know what being with Christ in Christ is all about. To some it is just lip service. I thought it wise to “google it” first so that I do not do what is already there. To my surprise this was already in existence, and then I thought it is well and good I will join the group and play my part. This was just the tip of an iceberg, my digging-self came back rushing – the “I had enough” disappeared. This was great. In my digging (for information) I nearly fell off my chair, I was numb (in a good way), my blood rushed and I started crying uncontrollably. At last! I have found the Truth. I have found God, in the Padgett messages. The Holy Spirit has always been with me in my quest for God’s Truth. Happiness is earnestly seeking and finding God, when you do you are then empowered to live life the way He intended it to be.
I am filled with love and joy; my happiness is heightened every second, because in me I have Divine Love, a free gift from God. Ask and it shall be given unto you.