I am here, Helen
I am so very happy, as you are loving me very much tonight, and I can see that your thoughts are with me so much more than of late. So let me continue to feel that you love me so much.
When I realized that the time had come for me to go, I did not fear to do so, but calmly waited, and thought that all my sufferings would soon end. And when my spirit left the body, I commenced to feel as if I was rising out of it, and that I was going upward to the place that I had so often heard my father speak about. But I had scarcely awakened to the fact that my spirit had left the body before your mother had me in her arms, and was trying to tell me that I had nothing to fear, or any cause to feel that I was not with those that loved me.
She was so beautiful that I hardly realized that it was she, and when I commenced to see that I was no longer in my body, I asked her not to leave me but to take me with her to where she lived. She told me that I could not go there, but that God had prepared a place for me to go to, and that she would accompany me and show me the truth of my future existence. I went with her, and she took me to a place that was very beautiful and filled with spirits who had recently passed over. She did not leave me for a long time; and when she did, your father came to me and said, “I am Ned’s father, and want to help you to realize that you are now in the spirit world, and must not let the thoughts of the earth keep you from getting in a condition to learn that all of us are only waiting for the love of God to help us to higher and better things."
Your grandmother soon came to me and told me who she was. She was so beautiful and bright that I scarcely could look at her; for her face was all aglow with what seemed to me to be a heavenly light, and her voice was so sweet and musical that I thought she must be one of God’s angels that I had read about in the Bible. She told me of the things that God had prepared for me, and that He wanted me to love Him, and feel that He loved me. But after awhile I commenced to think that I must be deceived in my sight and hearing, and was still on earth, and that I needed only my body again to know that I was still a mortal. Some time elapsed before I really became conscious that I was a spirit and was not on earth; for when I tried to talk to you, you would not listen to me, and turned away from me as if you did not see or hear me.
After a short time your mother and father came to me again, and tried to persuade me that I must not continue in my belief that I was still of the earth, but must believe that I was in spirit life, and needed only the things of the spirit world to make me contented. So you see, I was so very fortunate in having your dear parents and grandmother welcome me when I passed over. If they had not received me, I do not know to what condition of fear and distraction I might have been subjected. No spirit can learn the truth of the change unless in some way helped by others. When you come over, I will be there to receive you and love you so much, that you will never have to go through the period of doubt that I did. Your father is also waiting to receive you; and in fact, all your spirit band have agreed that when you come you will have nothing to fear for want of help and love.
I first saw my parents after I had commenced to believe that I was in the spirit world. When I saw them they did not know me; they thought that I was still in the body, and that they were still on earth (they had not yet awakened to the fact that they were in the spirit world). They were very unhappy, and it took considerable talking to make them believe that they were spirits and not mortals. My father was more easily convinced than was my mother, for he commenced sooner to recall that when death comes, the spirit must go to God who gave it. My mother would not believe so soon, for she continued to think that she was with her acquaintances on earth, and that they were not treating her very courteously, for when she spoke to them, they would not answer. But thank God, they both now realize that they are in the spirit world, and that they must learn to love God if they would be happy.
When I commenced to leave the body, there was no pain or suffering, only a feeling that I was rising out of it. No darkness appeared to me, and I saw my body lying there as if it were asleep. I did not try to hold it, but thought that it was merely taking a rest, and that as soon as it felt refreshed, I would enter it again and continue to live as before. I did not wait for it to awaken, but continued to arise until, as I told you, your mother clasped me in her arms, she was my own dear mother as well as yours.
I did not know that I was dying, but felt that something unusual was happening, and I was not afraid. As I always in life dreaded death (as you know), the strange thing to me was that I did not look upon death as dying. It was only a pleasant dreamy feeling, and I only thought that I was going to become absent from my body until it was refreshed. My thoughts were not of death at all. I had been suffering pain, but I thought that I was getting well, and the feeling of relief that came over me was the result of my getting better.
As my spirit arose, I thought only of my condition, and how soon I would be able to return home and see my friends. No other thoughts came to me, not even my love for God, or the fact that I was not in condition, as regards my soul, to meet my Maker (as I had been taught). There was absolutely no fear of what might happen to me, or that I would soon be called upon to account for the sins I had committed. Just before my spirit left my body I was unconscious, but just as soon as the separation commenced I became fully conscious, and knew everything that took place, and did not feel at all as if I were in danger or needed the help of anyone. I did not stay with my body at all when I commenced to leave it, but continued to rise, as I have told you, until your mother met me. So you see, death, which I so much feared, was not such a dreadful thing to experience.
Yes, when my son came to where my body lay, I returned to it, and saw it taken away, and afterwards buried. But I still did not understand what it all meant, and only when your grandmother told me that I would no more inhabit it, did I commence to realize that I had left it forever. But even then I had some feeling that she was mistaken, and that in some way I would return to it again and continue to live on earth.
Yes, when I had been in the spirit world a short time, I saw other spirit forms, and even then I was not in a condition of mind to fully understand that they were spirits and not mortals. The resemblance is very real to one who has never had his spiritual eyes opened; and even though the spirit forms all appear much more beautiful and bright, yet to me they all seemed to be human forms, and I thought that I was not in condition to fully see just what they were.
You must let me stop now, for I am tired.
Your own true and loving, Helen